Love Is...

Love is…

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

In the past year, I’ve thought a lot about love.  My marriage fell apart, and part of me did too.  I felt like a failure… but looking back, I’ve learned a lot about me, and a lot about what love should be, romantic or otherwise.

The above verse says a lot about love… and what it should be.  But in today’s world, many people don’t love like that.

First of all, love shouldn’t be conditional.  You shouldn’t withhold love from someone just because they don’t do what you want them to, or they don’t act a certain way.  Love should be gentle, and kind.  I understand people wanting what’s best for you, but in the end, they need to see that you will make your own decisions.  And love should respect that.  Withholding love is not true love.  Sure, we get mad at each other… but at the end of the day, it’s important to remember your love.  What if something happened to that person?  You’ll be stuck with the memory of how hateful you were.  It’s like the Garth Brooks song, If Tomorrow Never Comes.  So if tomorrow never comes, will that person know how much you love them?  They really should never have to question your love.

Another thing that love shouldn’t be is fearful.  If you’re in a relationship and you are afraid… there’s something wrong.  Whether it’s being afraid of physical abuse, mental abuse, or simply being constantly worried about upsetting the other person, it’s all wrong!  You should never have to fear the other person’s wrath.  A loving relationship will have it’s moments, but you shouldn't have to constantly worry.  

To go along with that, you shouldn’t have to worry about that person withholding love if you don’t follow their advice and always do what they want you to do.  Again, love comes with a lot of respect.  You may not always agree with each other, but you should have enough respect for that person to respect their decisions.  They have their reasons.  In love, it’s not all about you… it’s about the other person.  Withholding love is really mental abuse.  It causes a person to question everything they do. It makes them afraid to do anything because they don’t want to make you mad.

Mature love isn’t just about spending every moment together and having fun.  It’s seeing an imperfect person, and being there for them no matter what.  Good times and bad.  Mature love doesn’t put you down and make you feel unworthy.  In a healthy relationship, the other person should inspire you, motivate you, give you a drive to be a better person.

Don’t expect a person to change.  Sure, over time, the relationship changes.  It’s part of life.  But don’t think that constant nagging and putting someone down will change them.  It has to be a personal choice. The nagging will only lead to destroying that person.

I will be honest, I’ve been dealing with depression for a really long time.  And it’s so difficult some days to want to do anything.  I became this shell of a person.  A person who stopped caring.  A person who didn’t want to do anything or go anywhere.  A healthy relationship should not push you farther into that depression.  But that’s where I was.  I’d lost hope.  I blamed myself for everything.  I was miserable.  I tried everything I could think of… but in the end, nothing happened.  

People who have never been truly depressed won’t understand that darkness.  But for those of you who have, I know the pain and the loneliness all too well.  

Now, for what love is…

Love is openness and honesty.  You should be able to talk about anything without fear.  You should be able to laugh together.  Dream together.  Spend time together, but also not make the other person feel bad when you can’t spend time together.  Love is being best friends without judgement and harshness.  It’s motivating each other.  It’s keeping that person’s best interest at heart.  It’s talking about the problems, not hiding them or fighting about them.  It’s being strong when the other person can’t be.  It’s looking at that person and knowing they aren’t perfect, but seeing past that to see their heart.  It’s standing up for each other.  It’s being on the same side even when you’re not sure which is the right side.  It’s holding on to each other when the world around you seems to fall apart.  It’s knowing that no matter what, that you will be there for that person.

It’s unconditional.  You don’t have to fit in that box… You don’t have to act a certain way or do a certain thing.  It’s being able to be yourself completely.  It’s a freedom that’s unlike anything else.  It’s joy and laughter.  It’s safety.  

There are so many more things about love… I could go on and on.   But I’ll stop here for now.  The last year has been one of many changes.  Finding out the truth about people.  Seeing who is really a friend.  Learning a lot about the people you thought you knew.  It’s been interesting… and challenging.  I’ve cried.  I’ve hurt.  But I’ve also laughed a lot.  I’ve started to find that girl that was so destroyed deep down inside.  She was the girl that was always happy and positive.  She was the girl who was going to take on the world.  And I’m slowly discovering her… and finding my voice again.  I will heal.  I am stronger than I was yesterday.  And I will continue on my journey with the things I’ve learned about what I want and need in my life.  It’s a beautiful life… and I’m ready to start enjoying it again.  The sun may not always shine, but every now and then, I’ll dance in the rain!

Until next time,

Blaine

This is for you... yes, you!

Goodbye 2014... You won't be missed.  Not for me anyway.

It was a tough year.

I had to make some really big life changing decisions.  And most people don't understand why the things happened the way they did and why I made the decisions I did.

Well, first of all-- You weren't there.  You aren't living my life. You don't know the situation... and you don't have to.

Secondly-- You only know what you've heard.  Since you weren't there, you don't know the full truth.  So stop making judgments based on the little knowledge you have.

Last of all-- why does it matter to you so much? How is my life affecting you that much? Or do you just thrive on drama?

I'm tired of the little comments made to get under my skin.  I'm tired of the judgmental looks I get.  You have NO place to judge me, or anyone for that matter.

You may not understand my situation... and I don't owe you an explanation.  Honestly, so much of what happened was based on very personal things... and I don't want to discuss those with anyone.  It's NO ONE'S BUSINESS!  I had to make tough decisions that seem to want to haunt me... when in reality... I had to make a change.  Life is too short to be miserable.  I am a much happier person because of the struggles last year brought.  I'm not always proud of the things that have happened... but at the same time, there's a reason for everything.  Those experiences and trials have made me who I am today: a stronger, more independent woman; someone who now knows more of what she wants; who won't allow someone to walk all over her; a woman with goals and dreams of a very bright future.

And I'm going to say this... some people live in a bubble.  Their own perfect, happy bubble.  And that's fine.  I'm glad life worked out for you that way.  It seems everything you have has come so easy to you.  But let me remind you, it's not that easy for everyone.  Some of us really have to go through some rough stuff.  We may not find what we're looking for the first time around.  We may stumble, we may fall flat on our faces... And all the while, you sit in that little bubble.  I'm not saying you haven't struggled, but you can't understand what I've been through, so stop accusing and pointing fingers and acting like you are better than anyone else.

It's a new year.  A new me.  Why are you going to sit there judging someone for the past? The past is the past.  Let's look forward at what the new year and future will bring.

I'm tired of negativity, judgment, bias, someone thinking they are better than me... It's ridiculous.  We all have our faults.  We all make mistakes.  We are all put in places where we have to make decisions that others may not understand.  That's called LIFE.  While you're busy worrying about MY life... I'm moving forward. If you have that much time and energy to waste on judging someone else, maybe you should do some re-evaluation.

I am me.  That's all I can be.  I'm on a journey to become an even better me.  Let me remind you... I AM NOT YOU! I don't always have things together.  I don't always do or say the right things (or better yet, what YOU think I should say or do).  But I am tired of trying to make everyone happy.  The more I do that, the more I realize that I can't be completely happy because I can't make everyone happy... So forgive me if I focus a little more on me; if I start standing up for myself; if I start making my own decisions... if I finally find myself under the weight of the world I've been carrying.

This is Blaine.  On the road to new and improved.

And HAPPY.

Kindness and Love

The range of emotions I deal with on a daily and weekly basis would be enough to drive anyone mad.  It's a bit crazy, so excuse me if this blog seems to jump around!

There have been so many things on my mind lately.  One of which is... It's up to me to make each day a good one.  Yesterday, as I prepared for my day, I thought, "I am in control of the way I embrace the day... so why not make every day a good one?"  It's about attitude... It's about outlook.  I know things will come up that make me mad or frustrate me... but I need to look at things in a new light.  I want to be someone who can light up someone else's day.  Someone people view as positive and uplifting.  Someone who shines no matter what.

Life is too short to be miserable all the time.

Those words are OH SO true.  I had to change my situation and change my life to get to where I am now.  I AM happy.  I am having an amazing time doing my thing.  Living MY life.  Being free to embrace the things I love.

What makes me mad about this "being happy" thing?  Other people.  If my happiness isn't a result of what they think is right for me... then they can't be happy for me.  They can't accept me.  They can barely even talk to me because they don't understand it... and they won't try to.  Sorry I'm not sorry for finally doing what I want to do and being happy about it.  I am not here to make everyone else happy.  I still struggle with people-pleasing because I've done that my WHOLE LIFE!  But there's been so many times I stopped and realized that those things didn't make me happy.  I can't continue pleasing everyone else... because that's when I became a shell of a person.  Someone who had nothing of her own.  Someone who could only daydream about what she truly wanted life to be like!

Why can't we just be kind and loving?  I guess this goes back to my post about judgement.  These days, things are so conditional.  We can't just accept and love someone... we have to make sure they meet our criteria.

I am who I am.  I have tried too long to please everyone else.  And right now, I just want to be ME! I want to live life, and stop being miserable... I want to be able to stop worrying about what someone will say or think of me.   I want to just live... love... laugh and be ME! Is that too much to ask?

#NoJudgement

It's been a while.  I've had a lot going on in my life, and haven't allowed myself the time to sit down and pour out my heart.  But man, have I missed it!  Writing always seems to soothe my soul; and this particular topic has been on my heart and mind for a while now.

Judgement.

I am so exhausted with the constant judgement that surrounds me.  Now, don't get me wrong... I am guilty of judging others as well... but I'm diligently trying to become more aware of my own actions.  I guess my biggest issue is that people make judgements before they even get to know someone.

Someone walks in... Maybe they are black, white, Mexican, Asian, Indian... Whatever. Maybe they don't wear the kind of clothes you do. Maybe they don't have a hair cut you like.  Maybe their hair is dyed some crazy color. Maybe they have piercings. Maybe they have tattoos.  Who gave you the right to judge that person?

What hurts the most to me is the Christians out there who will immediately write someone off because they see the outward appearance.  How is that a good representation of Christ?  So what is that person has a past? Don't we all?  Their past may be rough... and may be different than yours, but that doesn't make them a terrible person.  The past is what builds us and makes us who we are today.  If it weren't for my past, I wouldn't be ME.

If you have an issue with that person... that is YOUR problem, not theirs.  They are who they are... And you can't expect them to change for you to meet your "standards" of a "good person".

It makes me absolutely crazy.  There are some people out there who have been through more than you could ever imagine, but they may be the nicest person you've ever met.  BUT if you write them off before even trying to get to know them... then you might miss out on a wonderful friendship or relationship.  The outward appearance does NOT make the person!  The past doesn't represent that person today.

I know there's so much more I could say about this... but to sum it up:

Stop judging. Start loving. Start giving someone a chance.  It could change your life...

Making Money, Earning Cool Stuff

You may have seen my posts about ways I earn extra cash and try cool products... but if not, I'm putting it all in one spot for easy access.

I love doing things like this to earn extra money or gift cards that I can use for holiday shopping.  I also like sites that send me free products or samples to try.  Below are some that I use!

Hits4Pay-- Just started on this one, but it was recommended on a site I saw... You get $5 in your account just for signing up!

InboxDollars- Sign Up Here!

InboxDollars-- I've gotten a few checks from them.  You get money for reading emails, taking surveys and searching the web.  It may not happen fast, but it's still nice when you reach that $30 mark and get a check... And clicking on emails is SO simple!

MyPoints-- I love this site.  I got involved with it a while back when I started on BzzAgent.  You earn points for reading emails, surveys, and shopping online!  I love getting rewards for stuff I do everyday! Send me your email address, and I'll send you a referral! Email Me!

BzzAgent-- This is a great place to try new products!  You sign up, do some survey stuff, and then based on your answers, they will invite you to BzzCampaigns.  This is a word of mouth marketing thing.  The more you "Bzz" the better.  It's fun, and easy!  Sign Up for BzzAgent here

Influenster-- Another great site that does a thing called VoxBoxes.  These are SO cool.  Sometimes you get to try one product, sometimes it's a few!  Send me an email if you want an invite!  Send Email!

There are many more sites out there... but for now, these are the ones that I use most and that I trust!  

Why I Love My Rainbow Cleaning System!

You may have seen my recent posts about my Rainbow... and maybe you're getting tired of seeing it.  For that, I'm sorry... but I really am excited about our latest purchase!

You may think... "It's just a vacuum cleaner." "You're crazy if you're that excited over a vacuum cleaner."  "What is wrong with you?"

Whatever you're thinking... I want you to step back for a second and let me explain.

I grew up with my mom having a Rainbow.  And of course, I hated cleaning, so I couldn't have cared less about what she, or I, used to clean the floors.  Although, I was always amazed and disgusted at the junk that wound up in the water.

It wasn't until I was grown up and out of the house that I realized how much I took that Rainbow for granted.  When Louis and I got married, he had an old (broken) Oreck.  I HATED that thing.  It didn't pick up ANYTHING.  It was heavy and I hated having a vacuum with a bag.

So, we bought a Bissell.  It was a little over a hundred bucks... and although Louis wasn't convinced there was anything wrong with the Oreck... he was immediately amazed at how much the Bissell was picking up.

Now remember-- we have a black lab.  Lord knows I had NO idea how much a Lab would shed when I first got him.  We have a lot of dog hair-- EVERYWHERE.  So I wanted something that was going to pick up all that hair.  And the Bissell seemed to be doing an ok job... but somewhere deep down, I knew we needed a Rainbow.  The Bissell was definitely better than the old Oreck, AND it didn't have a bag.  But still, emptying the little canister at the end of each vacuum left dust flying around the trash can.  And yeah, I was breathing that crap in.  On top of all that... the vacuum as a whole was disgusting.  I would routinely try to clean it-- dust and dirt everywhere within it.

Having grown up in a home with a Rainbow, I knew how great they were.  My sisters and their husbands had purchased them as well.  Louis, however, wasn't convinced... So when we got the opportunity for a demo-- I jumped on it.  I wanted him to see the difference.

And he did!

Now we do have quite a bit of hardwood in the house we're currently in.  But I HATE sweeping.  I feel like it doesn't do much at all... and afterwards, when I mop, I still find dirt and dog hair that sweeping didn't take care of.  And the carpets... man, it seemed to take forever with our Bissell to get the dog hair up.

The Rainbow rep came and did a full demonstration... and even though I'd used one before, I was AMAZED at what that thing can do.

So let me first tell you:

IT IS NOT JUST A VACUUM CLEANER!

It's an air purifier, deodorizer, sanitizer, humidifier, vaporizer... duster, vacuum... Pretty sure I left something out there...

Anyway! This thing is cleaning machine.  I seriously wanted to use it immediately-- top to bottom -- in our house.    I was vacuuming the floors, the walls-- dusting everything -- cleaning the couch cushions and pillows.  Vacuuming our bed (which, by the way... is disgusting) and pillows.

And after vacuuming my hardwoods... mopping was so much better than normal!  I didn't see any dirt or dog hair!  (I am looking forward to getting the Rainbow mopping attachment though... It mops and sucks up the water too!)

We also keep it running 24/7 for air purification (and deodorizing!).  After a few weeks, it'll help cut back on the dust (less dusting = happier Blaine).  It's also certified by the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America!  I have asthma-- so I'm definitely game for something that will help me breathe better.

I am sold on this truly amazing machine.  If you've just moved into a new place, if you have pets, if you have babies (especially if you have babies)... Let us come show you how this thing works!

I know you may be annoyed that I've asked you to let us come do a demo.  But let me tell you why:

First of all-- we're doing this thing called the "Ride Along Program".  Basically, we need 12 couples to let us do demos-- and we get ours for free (and if you decide you want a Rainbow-- you can do this too!).

Now... I know your time is valuable.  But by letting us come in and show you the Rainbow-- you get an ABSOLUTELY FREE vacation (NO, it's not a time share...).

Secondly-- The demos are FUN!  Yes, I said fun!  I come along and help the Rainbow rep out, we demo the thing... but we have fun while doing it!

Third-- These are NO PRESSURE demos.  It's very laid back, and like I said: FUN!

Fourth--You are under NO obligation to buy anything.

Fifth-- You'd be helping a friend.  What's the harm in that?  I promise, we are not going to MAKE you buy anything.

I would really appreciate your help on this.  We can do it on a weeknight, or a weekend-- whatever fits your schedule!

Now there's a lot I didn't tell you about the Rainbow... partly because it would make this post that much longer... But also because you probably wouldn't believe it until you see it!  I'm telling you... it's worth just doing the demo.  Like I said, if you have babies-- I HIGHLY recommend it.  Do you have any idea what's on your floors?  And pet owners-- if you're like me and love your animals, but hate the hair... another great reason to at least let us come show you!  AND anyone who suffers from allergies, asthma, sinus issues, migraines, etc... This thing can help you too.  What's the harm in just doing a demo?  Absolutely nothing... and hey-- a free vacation?  That's a pretty sweet incentive!  :)

So...

Help a girl out?

I want my Rainbow for FREE!  :)

My "No Poo" Journey

My “No Poo” Journey

I’ve told some of you, and my Twitter followers, that I have started the “No Poo” journey.  What is that?  Well, basically, I gave up my shampoo and conditioner… cold turkey, and I’ve replaced it with baking soda and vinegar.  Yep, you read that right.  I’ve been considering this switch for a little while, but I was trying to decide when would be a good time (since there IS a transition/detox period).  Well, I can’t say I picked the “perfect” time to start, because I’m constantly having things come up (meetings, live events for work, etc.).  I’m at the beginning of week 3.  Two whole weeks of no shampoo or conditioner.  And I will NOT lie to you… I have daydreamed about the rich, lathery (is that a word?) goodness of shampoo.  I even dreamt that I accidently used shampoo!  Haha.  Talk about weird!

Ok… so let’s start at the beginning.

May 20^th was my first day.  I had bought a condiment bottle for my baking soda mixture, and a spray bottle for the vinegar mixture.  I mixed my ingredients the night before so they would be ready to roll when I showered the next day.

I used 1 tablespoon per cup of water… although, I put 2 tablespoons in my bottle, and my bottle doesn’t quite hold 2 cups of water—so my first batch may have been too much baking soda.  In my spray bottle, I mixed 1 tablespoon of white distilled vinegar with a cup of water. 

Day 1 – I used the baking soda on my scalp, and massaged in with my finger tips, trying to get my entire scalp clean.  Rinsed thoroughly. I then sprayed the bottom half of my hair with the vinegar mixture, and rinsed well.  I did notice a bit of trouble with tangles, but nothing too major.  I blow dried and straightened my hair and it looked great!

Day 2—I just rinsed with hot water… blow dried and straightened.  It looked ok.

Day 3—I used the “conditioner” of vinegar.  I dried and straightened my hair, but wound up pulling up the front half because I was feeling a little greasy!

Day 4—I used the baking soda and vinegar (still the original batch, because I didn’t use all of it the first day).  Hair looked ok.

Day 5—I didn’t even wet my hair this day.  I straighten it a little in the morning.  By the time I got home from work, I was feeling pretty oily, and I was about to go to dinner with my parents.  I used some cocoa powder on my roots (You can use cornstarch, but on my dark hair, it makes me look like I’m really going grey!  The cocoa powder works pretty well, and smells good too). 

Day 6 – Just used the vinegar rinse.  I did dry my hair, but wound up putting it up before leaving the house.  Not too oily, but didn’t look great…

Day 7 – Washed with baking soda and vinegar.  Hair looked ok.  Feels very different!

Day 8 – No wash or rinse, just straightened! Easy enough, not too greasy.

Day 9 – Rinsed with water… pulled up… didn’t even dry it.

Day 10 – Baking soda and vinegar.  Hair look alright.

Day 11 – Rinsed with water, dried and straightened.  Looked a little oily.

Day 12 – Vinegar rinse… wound up using cocoa powder after drying and straightening.  Then pulled up the front part to try to cover some of the oiliness!

Day 13 – Washed with baking soda and vinegar… dried and straightened.  Hair looked ok until I got out in the humidity.  Got a little out of place and crazy some.  Also… I was around smokers, so my hair smelled terrible.  I made the mistake of redoing the baking soda and vinegar that night. 

Day 14 – Didn’t wash or rinse, just straightened.  Didn’t look too bad.

TODAY – Didn’t wash or rinse… just pulled my hair up.  My hair is oily, and my scalp has that “itch” to it.  It makes me feel like it’s dirty… but I’m trying to deal with it because I know my hair has to adjust… this is part of the process!

Ok… Hopefully I got all of the above info right.  I kept notes on my iPad about the first week, then the past week I haven’t really kept notes, so I tried to do all that from memory.

Some challenges I’ve dealt with:

-Static.  I read on one website that this meant I was using too much baking soda.  I’ll have to cut back and see how that does.  I do use a good bit of the bottle because I try to make sure to saturate my scalp, and massage my entire scalp to remove the oil/build-up.

-Oil/Grease.  This is, like I said, my hair’s response.  My scalp is trying to adjust.  I’ve been doing a lot of pulling my hair up, and using the cocoa powder to help.  I’m trying to stay at every third day (the longer I can go between, hopefully the shorter the transition). 

-Dryness.  I forgot to mention… Day thirteen, I tried using apple cider vinegar instead (one site I read that white vinegar was better for oily hair, while ACV was better for dry hair).  I think the ACV helped.  Oh… and one day I tried a tiny bit of coconut oil on the ends… and it wound up making it too oily!  I’ve been reading up on some conditioning masks that I can do… so maybe that will help.

I do have to say though… overall, I’m really liking the results.  My hair feels softer, less frizzy (I haven’t used ANY product on my hair since starting this!), more manageable.  And it definitely saves time on days I don’t have to even rinse it! 

I’m also excited because I’m saving money (baking soda and vinegar are CHEAP and you don’t use them up very quickly!).  I’m also not coating my hair in chemicals!  It’s amazing the difference I’ve seen in such a short time.  Yes, I am dealing with oily bouts, but I have to keep reminding myself that my body is just adjusting.

No poo isn’t for everyone… but I think it’s going to be good for me.

Another bonus—it supposedly helps with hair growth (I am desperately trying to grow my hair long enough that I can donate it… but still have some length when I chop it off!). 

It is definitely a journey.  It takes time and patience.  I am only 2 weeks into it… and yeah, I do think about lathering up with shampoo, but I am determined to stick with this! 

And just so you know…No, my hair does not stink.  The vinegar smell goes away completely when my hair is dry!  I am also considering buying a natural bristle brush, which they say is good for helping to distribute the natural oil throughout the hair.

I am posting the link to the site I used as my inspiration to start this journey.  I will continue to update you on my progress and answer any questions you might have!  I will also probably do more research when I have questions.  In the past two weeks I have read countless articles about the No Poo Movement… Mostly to encourage myself to keep at it! 

Websites:
http://coderedhat.com/no-poo-method/
http://ashleysgreenlife.blogspot.com/2012/12/how-to-wash-your-hair-with-no-poo.html
http://www.pistachioproject.com/2012/08/no-poo-faq.html

These sites go a bit in-depth on the reasons why it's good for your hair and such.  I didn't take the time to do all that... just wanted to give you my results/trials!

Have you ever gone “No Poo”?  Are you thinking about it?  I’d love to hear your stories/tips! 

I'll try getting some pictures added when I get them uploaded to my computer!  Thanks for reading!