#NoJudgement

It's been a while.  I've had a lot going on in my life, and haven't allowed myself the time to sit down and pour out my heart.  But man, have I missed it!  Writing always seems to soothe my soul; and this particular topic has been on my heart and mind for a while now.

Judgement.

I am so exhausted with the constant judgement that surrounds me.  Now, don't get me wrong... I am guilty of judging others as well... but I'm diligently trying to become more aware of my own actions.  I guess my biggest issue is that people make judgements before they even get to know someone.

Someone walks in... Maybe they are black, white, Mexican, Asian, Indian... Whatever. Maybe they don't wear the kind of clothes you do. Maybe they don't have a hair cut you like.  Maybe their hair is dyed some crazy color. Maybe they have piercings. Maybe they have tattoos.  Who gave you the right to judge that person?

What hurts the most to me is the Christians out there who will immediately write someone off because they see the outward appearance.  How is that a good representation of Christ?  So what is that person has a past? Don't we all?  Their past may be rough... and may be different than yours, but that doesn't make them a terrible person.  The past is what builds us and makes us who we are today.  If it weren't for my past, I wouldn't be ME.

If you have an issue with that person... that is YOUR problem, not theirs.  They are who they are... And you can't expect them to change for you to meet your "standards" of a "good person".

It makes me absolutely crazy.  There are some people out there who have been through more than you could ever imagine, but they may be the nicest person you've ever met.  BUT if you write them off before even trying to get to know them... then you might miss out on a wonderful friendship or relationship.  The outward appearance does NOT make the person!  The past doesn't represent that person today.

I know there's so much more I could say about this... but to sum it up:

Stop judging. Start loving. Start giving someone a chance.  It could change your life...

Ready, Set... Jump

Risks...

It's a scary thing: taking risks. You don't know what the end result will be. And as humans, we're a bit selfish and have to look out for number one.

What are we so afraid of?

Failure?
Unhappiness?
Insecurity?
The unknown?

What if something REALLY great happened instead? You'll never know if you don't take a risk.

I've had a lot of time to think about life and love. And I'm honestly tired of settling for security... for what I know. I want to take a few risks and live my life to the fullest.

I would rather be able to sit back at the end of the day and say... I gave it everything I had.

If it turns out badly-- while at the time it may seem terrible, in the end, it will only make me a stronger person.

But what if it turns out wonderful? I would never know if I didn't take that risk.

I'm tired of holding on to things of the past. There were things in my past that I have held on to, but I've realized how unhealthy it is for me. Instead of embracing the great future I have ahead of me... I've been dwelling in the past. In all the let downs, whether it was other people or myself. I've been hurt. And while I have been sitting around, letting it drag me down-- I won't do it anymore.

Yes, I have been hurt... pretty deeply. Part of it is because I have a big heart. Part of it was my ignorance. But most importantly-- it's because those things weren't meant to be. Those things weren't good for me. It wasn't my happy ending.

I've always had a fairy tale idea for my life. Most people think I'm naive... but in all honesty, I know life isn't about having everything and it being perfect. Have you ever watched or read a fairy tale? Did everything just fall together for their happily ever after? No. Every fairy tale has hard times... but in the end, it makes everything worthwhile.

So... I'm letting go. I'm forgiving and forgetting the things that have hurt me in the past. I'm going to start embracing the here and now.

I'm jumping in. Head first.

I'm scared. This is something completely new to me.

But I don't want to live my life with regrets. I want to live life fully, and at the end be able to say I enjoyed the heck out of life.

Let's take a risk. Let's make some memories. Let's test our strength. Let's live life to the fullest.

Live life.
Love a lot...
Laugh MORE!
Give your heart.
Stop holding back.
Live in the moment... quit dwelling in the past; quit hoping for better in the future.

Stop blaming....

Pretty boring day today... I did get to help my mom clean the house, and we worked hard! Then I spent the rest of the day at my sisters, sitting around holding my niece and watching TV. I did get to lay out for like an hour today. I really wish I was tan. I know, I know... Tanning isn't good for you. But I did use some sunscreen. And I've heard the sun is better than a tanning bed. So don't lecture me.

I also worked out tonight. Again, don't lecture me. I know I'm not FAT, so stop rolling your eyes when I say I worked out. I'm doing this for ME! I want to tone up, not lose weight. Working out makes me feel good. Oh, and on top of working out, I drank SO much water today! I swear it makes a BIG difference when you drink nothing but water. I feel a lot better, but I am going through caffeine withdrawals! =(

So, my song of the day? Well, I didn't have anything really eventful to make me think of a song... But I have been thinking a lot, and there's a song that relates...

It's called-- Not Your Enemy. Who sings it? My ex-future husband, Jesse McCartney. It's SO good though. I'm still a fan of his music. Really. Ok... So here's my clip of lyrics...

"Sorry for all the times that he lied And left your heart hangin' I can't imagine what that feels like But that was another place And that was another time It's not fair to blame me for all his crimes Just for a minute give me a chance Let me inside just for a minute Baby just for a moment Let me prove I'll do things right Let down your guard And show me your colours Don't fight it anymore Show me you're with me Open your arms I'm not like the others So don't fight it anymore no What will it take for me to make you see I'm not your enemy"

What brought this to mind? I don't really know. I guess maybe in part it was reading "He's Just Not That Into You". I know that I've been guilty of blaming guys for things that some other guy did to me in the past. It's not fair to them. And I know that. This is why I love this song. Don't get me wrong some guys aren't like this. Some of them are just "like the others". But it's only right to give the guy a chance right?

Another one of my favorite parts to the song is this:

"How do you expect things to get any better If you keep me on the sideline Don't you know there's a million things I wanna do But you gotta meet me halfway you gotta try"

This is SO true. A relationship is about meeting in the middle, you can't just expect one person to give their all... It's just not fair. I guess I just get furious when I see this happening in today's society. Love is a word that is thrown around. People are in relationships that make them unhappy. Girls are treated badly, yet for some reason have this idea that they don't deserve better, or can't get any better. Guys get with girls who manipulate them. It's so unfair.

I guess I'm just angry, because I do have a huge heart, and I want someone to share that with. I'm tired of guys who abuse the fact that I have a big heart. Beware, this heart has been broken many times, and it's fragile. I don't want to be the girl blaming the guy for things that happened in my past. I'm trying to overcome that, but don't get angry with me... I'm just trying to guard my heart. I don't like heart break. It hurts too much. I'm overprotective of my heart, but that doesn't mean I'm blaming you for anything... I'm just watching out for the woman I'm becoming and learning to love.

So maybe this blog is just a bunch of rambling... maybe you read it, and maybe you don't... I just have so many things jumbled in my head, so it's hard to make it make sense sometimes.

Well, I'm off to bed. Getting ready for a busy, but great weekend... =) More blogging to come-- hold on to your seat, it could get crazy!

I'll Just Hold On...

Another fun day... but definitely a tiring one! Going, going ALL day long!

Work today was fun as always! Joking around, but still getting the job done, is the only way to do it right?! =)

One thing I realized today is that I truly enjoy having a "girl friend". It feels good to have someone to talk to, who actually listens... and understands the emotions and feelings I have. And I am SO truly blessed to have two very good girl friends-- Tiffany and Kelsey. These two girls are two people who I trust and absolutely love to death... I'd do anything for them! I've never been one to have many close girlfriends, but these two women are so different. There's just such a great connection. And they have kept me strong and given me a lot of insight into who I am... and what I need/deserve!

Another thing I'm learning about myself is... I have a big heart. And I do get attached easily. But, I trying so hard to be ok with just ME! And honestly, I do like myself... a whole lot more than I have in the past. I am learning to love the little things that make me, ME! I'm independent, and passionate. I'm also very compassionate and caring. I can be a little crazy and I know how to have fun. I know eventually things will all fall into place for me... but I'm also a VERY impatient person. But I'm trying to practice patience because I always think I know what I want... and well, from past experiences-- I know that it takes time to really know. So... It's a growing process!

So, what's my song of the day? This was a hard one... but one song that caught my attention today was, "I'll Just Hold On" by Blake Shelton.

"Falling for you even though I know you’re only playing with my heart
Tomorrow might be hell
But a night or two of loving you is better than never at all
And I can’t help myself
So I’ll just hold on, I’ll just hold on, I’ll just hold on
Until you’re gone

Girl I know you’re a gypsy soul and I’m just a stop along your road
And you hang around long enough to blow my mind
If I had a star for every scar you tattooed on my heart
I could fill up the Oklahoma sky
So girl I don’t know why

I’ll just hold on, I’ll just hold on, I’ll just hold on
Until you’re gone

I look down at my cell phone ringing
I see your name and I know what that means
But I don’t care, I’ll just hold on
‘Til you’re gone

Every time you leave I take it hard
But seeing you go just breaks my heart
But I don’t care, I’ll just hold on
‘Til you’re gone"

I guess this song could go either way for me. It could be about me falling for someone... but it's also been the reverse. This is something that explains me well though. I get my heart broken easily... because I do have a big heart. I do fall easily... It's hard. But that's me. And although it can be tough, it's a part of me. I don't regret falling for certain people, because that has made me who I am today. And like I said earlier-- I love me now! =)

So now, I'm watching The Bachelorette. It's kind of a guilty pleasure. =/ But I don't envy her really. I have always thought it would be fun...and interesting to see if you can really find love that way. But, I think it would be the hardest thing EVER! I really like the show though... because it can be funny... and can also point out a lot of things in relationships. It's just... fun to watch ok? So don't hate!