Heartbreak Warfare

What makes us human?

The need for affection, attention and communication.
Without it... there's a huge thing missing, and it can break your heart.

I've realized here recently what I've been missing. It's that TRUE communication. Not just someone who is only halfway there. Not someone who just pretends to listen.

I believe it's true that sometimes, you don't realize you're missing out on something until it's shown to you.

I miss having someone who just "gets me." I miss having that person that I don't have to say anything to-- they just know.

I need support. I need affection. I need attention. I need a lot of things.

Sometimes I believe it's necessary to be selfish. And this is a time in my life that I believe I need to be. I've given a lot of myself to everyone else. I've been there for them, I've supported them. But something's been missing in my life.

I don't like to say I'm a "needy" person, but I believe we all have things in our life that we need. It's not being overly demanding... it's just something as simple as a phone call to say "Hey, how are you?" It's just the little things in life to let you know you're cared about.

Don't get me wrong, I don't NEED someone to make my life complete. I do need to learn to be more okay with just me. As is. Nothing more, nothing less. I need to acknowledge that I'm completely okay alone. And maybe then, I'll find someone to complement that.

There are so many emotions going on in my head and heart right now.

There are things that I want more than anything... but the reality is, I can't make someone change. I can't make that person into what I want them to be. It has to be in their heart as well. They have to feel it. They have to take initiative. I can't force something if it's not there.

And as bad as that breaks my heart... I know it's true.

If it's not what you want, don't hold on to it. Let it go, let it fly. Don't drag it out, because it'll only be worse in the end.

We make time for the things we want most in life. What is it that you want most? Think about it.

The people in your life might not always be here. So, take the initiative and show them that you love and appreciate them. You might just make their day.

Today's song: Heartbreak Warfare by John Mayer

Lightning strikes
Inside, my chest to keep me up at night
Dream of ways
To make you understand my pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really every wins
In heartbreak warfare

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Drop his name
Push it in and twist the knife again
Watch my face
As I pretend to feel no pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare.

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Just say so...

How come the only way to know how high you get me
is to see how far I fall
God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me
but I can't break through it all.

It's a heartbreak...

I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight
Let's just fix this whole thing now
I swear to God we're gonna get it right
If you put your weapons down
Red wine and Ambien
You're talking it again, it's heartbreak warfare
Good to know it's all a game
Disappointment has a name, it's heartbreak warfare.

Truths about me.

I have a big heart... and all I want is for someone to recognize that, and appreciate it-- not take advantage of it and walk all over me like it's nothing.

I am emotional. I get hurt really easily. Maybe that's a bad thing, but that's me.

I may act tough on the outside, but there are moments when I cry... Usually I cry alone-- I don't like for anyone to see me cry.

I'm not the jealous type, usually... unless you give me a reason to be. Don't try to hide things, because the truth will come out, and it'll hurt a lot worse.

Communication is key. I can't read your thoughts... Plus, we live in a society where communication is easier than ever. Is it so hard to reply to my texts/email/call?

Sometimes I read too much into things and over-react. But, before you get mad, look at it through my eyes.

I'm not needy. I can handle things myself... thank you.


Don't lead me on. Either you're in or you're out. It's up to you. Ball's in your court. What's it going to be?

I'd rather you tell me the truth than try not to hurt my feelings.

I don't like to waste time.

I make time for the things that are most important in my life. Do you?

I have big dreams and goals for my life, and I expect you to have the same. I support you, you support me. Deal?

I am not good at expressing my feelings. It scares me. I don't like to hurt someone's feelings. This goes back to the "big heart" thing. I hate confrontation...

I am just me. I am a young woman about to embark on a great adventure in my life-- it's called, the real world. I'm graduating soon, and I'll be on my way to whereever God takes me. I know I've got some crazy, messed up emotions... but I'm working on it.

I respect you... You respect me.