Today, two celebrities passed away-- Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. Personally, I wasn't a huge fan of either. Well, honestly, I've never been one to become obsessed with any celebrity. I don't really follow tabloids, I don't have any celebrities that I know all about. I guess I just have other interests. Being in radio, perhaps I should be more up-to-date on the celeb gossip. Oh well.
Despite not being a fan of either of these celebrities, the deaths did bring forth a lot of thoughts.
First of all... Life is SO short. You never know when you'll breathe your last. It's a scary thought-- yes; but we also shouldn't live in fear. We need to learn to appreciate each and every day we're given. I read an article the other day about how we're constantly looking forward to something, but when that thing finally happens, we're already on to looking forward to the next exciting thing. Why can't we just stop and enjoy the moment, and quit looking for the next quick fix? Why can't we love the moment we're in? Why can't we slow down and enjoy the ride? Life is so short, yet we're constantly wanting time to go faster. I'm guilty of this. With school-- I'm like, "I can't wait to be done and get on with my career". Instead, I should be taking in every little thing. College is such a great experience. I want to slow down, and enjoy it.
The second thing I thought about was just being a celebrity. How would I want to be remembered? I may not be an avid follower of celebrities, but I've always wondered what it would be like to actually be a celebrity.
If I were a celeb, I'd want to be different. I'd want to be a good role model. I'd want to be remembered for being a down-to-earth, good-hearted woman. I'd want to be remembered for giving to others, instead of taking for myself. I'd want to be remember for being married to ONE man, my sweetheart... for my whole life. I'd want to be someone that people admired for being different.
Ok, so I may never be a celebrity... but that doesn't mean I can't still strive to be the person I described above. But maybe that's the beauty of it. It's always the "good" ones who go unnoticed. And that's probably the way they prefer it. They don't want to be full of themselves. It's always about others.
So while the passing of these two is sad... there's a great deal we can learn from it.
What are you living for?
What will your legacy be?
What is most important to you?
Who's life have you impacted?
So many questions. So many great lessons.
Song of the day:
Celebrity, by NSYNC
If I wasn't a celebrity
Would you be so nice to me
If I didn't have cheese like every day
Would you still wanna be with me
If I couldn't buy you diamond rings
And all those other expensive things
Would you be so into me
If I wasn't a celebrity
Lately I've been doing a little thinkin' 'bout the things that satisfy you
It's making me wonder 'bout the things that you see in me
I hate the way you like to say your man's a celebrity
Baby what's the deal, I thought you wanted me for me
You gotta say what you mean
You gotta mean what you say
'Cause you keep pushin' me away
'Cause I ain't got no time to play, so I say
CHORUS-2x
celebrity, celebrity, celebrity, celebrity
I'm glad that you are having a good time livin' the life that I've laid out for me
Constantly splurgin', spending my money on everything you see
It would be diferent if you had something
Maybe like a J-O-B
You need to get your thing together, yeah
You gotta stop runnin' games, sayin'
It ain't about my fame
'Cause you know if things weren't this way
You'd be gone a long time ago, so I say
CHORUS-repeat
If you really loved me, you'd try and show me it ain't even about my name
But you try to use me, you lie to fool me
So it can never be the same
So now I'm leaving you behind
I've found somebody who can love me for me
And that's all I need, yeah
Celebrity, celebrity, celebrity, celebrity
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
A reason for everything... right?
So... it's late (or should I say early)... and I can't sleep. I'm placing the blame on the sweet tea I drank today, seeing as I have refrained for a few weeks now. So I'm going to say it's due to caffeine overload. Whatever.
So I did a really... ridiculous thing. I was lonely. I already couldn't sleep... And those two little books were staring me dead in the face. What books? Well, the journal I kept for Adam while he was in Spain, and the picture album I gave him. They've been laying in my bedroom floor for weeks, since he returned them. Every once in a while... I'd notice them, but shrug it off. His picture, in a frame, lays on the floor right beside those two books... I've tried to avoid it, honestly.
I sat down and started to read the journal. And I cried. And cried some more. I was in love then. I knew what I wanted-- or at least what I thought I wanted. I had a great guy. He adored me... and I tried to reciprocate. Those words I wrote, weren't lies. They never were. I meant what I said. Those two years I spent with him... were great. They have not vanished, they aren't a distant memory. Those two years are a huge part of who I am. Those two years have taught me a lot about myself, about life, and about love. I grew up a lot.
For those of you who know me, I had just gotten out of a crappy relationship right before Adam and I got together. I had told myself, "Never again". Then Adam came along... and changed my world. I fell in love. I was adored. I was cared for and protected like I never thought I deserved. That means the world to me.
Now am I sorry that our relationship ended? That's tough to answer. I didn't want to hurt him--ever. It is hard because I hate that I couldn't give him what he gave me. I tried to make the whole thing right. I battled with it for a while... and just couldn't make it right. No matter how much I tried, it just wasn't right. I couldn't change what my heart decided.
I needed this. I know that. And although there are days when I feel lonely and long to be loved... I realize that this is what I need right now. I'm young. I have a lot going on. I still am not even sure who I am.
One thing I do miss? His friendship. He was one of my very best friends. But I know that he probably hates me... and that's ok. Somedays I hate myself too.
I'm making it. I am strong. I have a lot left to accomplish in my life. And nothing beats the power of a positive attitude. And... when worse comes to worse-- I'll fight, like a girl!
Fight Like A Girl
Written By: Kristy Osmunson, Bob Regan, Kelley Shepard
Little girl alone on the playground
Tired of gettin' teased and gettin' pushed around
Wishin' she was invisible
To them
She ran home cryin'
"Why do they hate me?"
And Mama wiped the tears and said
"Baby, you're brave and you're beautiful.
So, hold your head high.
Don't ever let 'em define
The light in your eyes.
Love yourself, give them Hell.
You can take on this world.
You just stand and be strong
And then fight
Like a girl."
At 31 she was wheelin' and dealin'
Kept on hittin' that same glass ceilin'
She was never gonna one of the boys, no
She coulda gave up on her ambition
And spent the rest of her life just wishin'
Instead she listened to her mama's voice sayin'
"Hold your head high.
Don't ever let 'em define
The light in your eyes.
Love yourself, give them Hell.
You can take on this world.
You just stand and be strong
And then fight
Like a girl."
Oh, with style and grace
Kick ass and take names
Ten years of climbin' that ladder
Oh, but money and power don't matter
When the doctor said "the cancer spread"
She holds on tight to her husband and babies
And says "this is just another test God gave me.
And I know just how to handle this"
I'll hold my head high
I'll never let this define
The light in my eyes
Love myself, give it Hell
I'll take on this world
If I stand and be strong
No, I'll never give up
I will conquer with love
And I'll fight
Like a girl
So I did a really... ridiculous thing. I was lonely. I already couldn't sleep... And those two little books were staring me dead in the face. What books? Well, the journal I kept for Adam while he was in Spain, and the picture album I gave him. They've been laying in my bedroom floor for weeks, since he returned them. Every once in a while... I'd notice them, but shrug it off. His picture, in a frame, lays on the floor right beside those two books... I've tried to avoid it, honestly.
I sat down and started to read the journal. And I cried. And cried some more. I was in love then. I knew what I wanted-- or at least what I thought I wanted. I had a great guy. He adored me... and I tried to reciprocate. Those words I wrote, weren't lies. They never were. I meant what I said. Those two years I spent with him... were great. They have not vanished, they aren't a distant memory. Those two years are a huge part of who I am. Those two years have taught me a lot about myself, about life, and about love. I grew up a lot.
For those of you who know me, I had just gotten out of a crappy relationship right before Adam and I got together. I had told myself, "Never again". Then Adam came along... and changed my world. I fell in love. I was adored. I was cared for and protected like I never thought I deserved. That means the world to me.
Now am I sorry that our relationship ended? That's tough to answer. I didn't want to hurt him--ever. It is hard because I hate that I couldn't give him what he gave me. I tried to make the whole thing right. I battled with it for a while... and just couldn't make it right. No matter how much I tried, it just wasn't right. I couldn't change what my heart decided.
I needed this. I know that. And although there are days when I feel lonely and long to be loved... I realize that this is what I need right now. I'm young. I have a lot going on. I still am not even sure who I am.
One thing I do miss? His friendship. He was one of my very best friends. But I know that he probably hates me... and that's ok. Somedays I hate myself too.
I'm making it. I am strong. I have a lot left to accomplish in my life. And nothing beats the power of a positive attitude. And... when worse comes to worse-- I'll fight, like a girl!
Fight Like A Girl
Written By: Kristy Osmunson, Bob Regan, Kelley Shepard
Little girl alone on the playground
Tired of gettin' teased and gettin' pushed around
Wishin' she was invisible
To them
She ran home cryin'
"Why do they hate me?"
And Mama wiped the tears and said
"Baby, you're brave and you're beautiful.
So, hold your head high.
Don't ever let 'em define
The light in your eyes.
Love yourself, give them Hell.
You can take on this world.
You just stand and be strong
And then fight
Like a girl."
At 31 she was wheelin' and dealin'
Kept on hittin' that same glass ceilin'
She was never gonna one of the boys, no
She coulda gave up on her ambition
And spent the rest of her life just wishin'
Instead she listened to her mama's voice sayin'
"Hold your head high.
Don't ever let 'em define
The light in your eyes.
Love yourself, give them Hell.
You can take on this world.
You just stand and be strong
And then fight
Like a girl."
Oh, with style and grace
Kick ass and take names
Ten years of climbin' that ladder
Oh, but money and power don't matter
When the doctor said "the cancer spread"
She holds on tight to her husband and babies
And says "this is just another test God gave me.
And I know just how to handle this"
I'll hold my head high
I'll never let this define
The light in my eyes
Love myself, give it Hell
I'll take on this world
If I stand and be strong
No, I'll never give up
I will conquer with love
And I'll fight
Like a girl
Scholarship money...
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Friday, June 19, 2009
Traffic, Life, Dating
So these three things may be very random... but it's been jumbled in my head ALL day. Some of it's ranting, other parts, well, are happy.
Traffic
I absolutely HATE traffic. It stresses me out SO bad! Today, like an idiot, I didn’t leave work until about 4… and well, you guessed—I hit some major traffic on my 70 mile drive home. I think the major thing is I hate being alone in my car for too long alone, and I just want to get where I’m going. People in traffic annoy me. People don’t know how to use signals, they are rude… inconsiderate. Admit it, we’re all selfish in traffic. I even caught myself not letting someone over, just because I wanted to get where I was headed (plus, someone earlier didn’t let me over, so it was kind of retaliation). In traffic, I absolutely must have good music or someone to talk to on the phone… and thankfully, I had both today! =) It definitely wasn’t as bad at Thanksgiving break my freshman year… a 2 hour drive lasted at least 4 hours… UGH!
Life
I love my life: honestly. Don’t get me wrong. I have my bad days, just like any other human being, but it’s all about how you react to it. I have my lonely times, but I can’t let it get me down. It takes effort. I have to try to keep myself busy most days. But life is great. I have some really great friends, like my guy friends who listen to my complaints about dating, and give me the male perspective! I have discovered new interests, and new things to love. And I have laughed oh so hard about—well, everything. I have learned to make the best out of every situation. Laugh is funny… it’s tough, but it’s entertaining.
I have some of the BEST people in my life that I wouldn’t want to go anywhere. Those people know who they are. They are there to encourage me, love me, make me laugh, be a shoulder to cry on, whatever I need. I am SO thankful. That’s especially what I need to help me through the ups and downs of single life.
Dating
So this single thing is a whole new world for me. At this point, I’m honestly NOT looking for something “serious”, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to date. One problem—technology has given guys an easy way out. Text messaging and social networks are the devil when it comes to “talking”/”dating”… whatever. Is it too much for me to ask you to CALL me every once in a while, especially if you want to ask me out?! Also… what ever happened to a REAL date? I have guys that are like—wanna come over and watch a movie? Don’t get me wrong, that’s fine… But is it too much to ask to be treated like a lady every once in a while? I feel like the whole going to watch a movie at his house is more “casual” and good after you’ve gotten to know each other better. I’m not asking for anything super fancy either… Just be creative… it could be FUN!
Don’t get me wrong, I am in NO way trying to hate on the male species. I mean, you have to love them. I just want someone who is interested in ME, who enjoys my company… It’s not just about looks. Sure, I’ll admit, we all have our shallow moments, but it’s about so much more. I just want to spend time with someone who gets me. Someone who wants to get to know me. Someone I can laugh with, be silly with… just talk about whatever. I just want to date.
But honestly—I have gotten to the point where I would rather a guy say either I like you, or I don’t like you. Honestly. I’d rather you be honest and upfront than worrying about hurting my feelings if you don’t like me. It’s better for both of us if we know each other’s intentions straight up. Just tell me, I’m an adult, I can handle it. I can just say: He’s Just Not That Into Me; and then we can both go on our way to find what’s best for each of us! Easy enough right?
SONG OF THE DAY: (warning: this is meant for humor... not to be taken too seriously. I don't hate men... PROMISE!)
Men Don't Change by Amy Dalley
He was a bad boy
and I was a good girl
He needed me to smooth out the edges
Well he'd get his drink on and flirt with the ladies
And after two years of his crap I quit beggin'
I'm a magnet for the fixer upper man
If I know it's fire do I let it burn my hand?
*Chorus*
Cupid works for the devil be suspicious if he cries
Sexy shoes look good, yeah but it ain't always right
Chocolate is a band-aid no matter what they say
Shoes don't stretch, and men don't change
My friend Lisa, she loves a liar
She found out about his other girlfriends
He makes excuses, so she forgives him
And she swears she's gonna leave if he screws up again
But he's good lookin' that's why she don't see
He's got her exactly where he wants her to be
Monday, June 15, 2009
Today's Song is...
So after much thought and a few good conversations... I decided my song of the day was: I Don't Need A Man by Pussycat Dolls.
"I don't need a ring around my finger, to make me feel complete."
"The more you try, the less I buy and I don't have to think it through, You'll know if I'm into you."
"So if you wanna be with me it ain't at all about the bling you're bringin', I want a love that's for real, And without that - no deal, And baby I don't need a hand if it only wants to grab one thing."
I'm ok being me, the single me.
If it's meant to be, one day I'll find that love... but I don't HAVE to have a man to make me happy.
Now I just need to keep myself busy, to keep my mind off men! Haha.
And I definitely need a JOB. I'm broke, and I absolutely HATE depending on my parents. I'm too independent for that. So if anyone knows of any job openings... let me know!
"I don't need a ring around my finger, to make me feel complete."
"The more you try, the less I buy and I don't have to think it through, You'll know if I'm into you."
"So if you wanna be with me it ain't at all about the bling you're bringin', I want a love that's for real, And without that - no deal, And baby I don't need a hand if it only wants to grab one thing."
I'm ok being me, the single me.
If it's meant to be, one day I'll find that love... but I don't HAVE to have a man to make me happy.
Now I just need to keep myself busy, to keep my mind off men! Haha.
And I definitely need a JOB. I'm broke, and I absolutely HATE depending on my parents. I'm too independent for that. So if anyone knows of any job openings... let me know!
Early morning thoughts.
So... It's before 8 a.m. What am I doing up this early?! Well, for some crazy reason I decided to get up at 6:30 to start getting ready, and it didn't take me long, and so now I'm ready for work, and I don't really have to leave until 9 a.m. or so. But it's always nice to have plenty of time to wake up and enjoy the morning before rushing out the door.
So I had a great weekend... Got to hang out with Kelsey a lot and some other awesome people. It was a ton of fun. But man was I tired yesterday! I realized though, that it is super important to have girl friends. I've never really been good at having girl friends. I've been stabbed in the back one too many times, and so I've become very cautious about getting too close to someone. Well, I never realized how necessary having girl friends can be. I guess maybe it's because I've been in relationships so much. But now that I'm single, I know that girl friends are the best-- as long as they are trustworthy. It's hard to find, but once you do-- don't let it go!
So, I've been doing a lot of thinking. Again. Ugh! I watched He's Just Not That Into You with Kelsey on Saturday... and it just made me think. And then I watched My Best Friend's Girl with a guy friend yesterday, and again... I start thinking. I am not a man hater at all. I have great guy friends whom I love to death. I usually get along better with guys because there's so much less drama involved most of the time. But these movies made me think about my own life and dating experiences.
I'm a sucker for romance... And I get attached pretty easily. I know, it's bad. I watched those girls in He's Just Not That Into You, and laughed at how many times girls act that way. We try to convince ourselves that he does like us. We make up a ton of excuses for why he doesn't call, or even text us. I loved how in the movie it starts with the little girl and her mom telling her the boys were being mean because they like her. Haven't we all heard that? So we grow up thinking, he's just trying to act tough, he really does like me, right? Well, honestly, I have to keep repeating "Maybe he's just not that into you"... I'm pathetic, I know. But, I have to keep saying it, to keep myself from falling too hard.
I'm complicated. Too many emotions in one person. I have highs and lows like you wouldn't believe. I could go on and on about love. I can't help it. I am a romantic, remember? Sometimes I wish I could just be the cool, single girl out there having fun. And I'm working on it. This weekend taught me that I am ok being just ME. Nobody's "girlfriend"... It's something I will have to keep working on. And I'll just keep repeating "He's just not that into me"... and that's ok. Because one day, there will be someone who sees me, for me... and can't get enough. And he'll be so into me, that it'll take me by surprise, right? Well, I'm not going to focus on that. Today is a new day. I'm single. I'm ME. I love life. I don't know where this road will lead, but instead of focusing on what's ahead, I think I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride for now.
Oh, and as for the song of the day-- I haven't figured it out yet... It's too early! =)
So I had a great weekend... Got to hang out with Kelsey a lot and some other awesome people. It was a ton of fun. But man was I tired yesterday! I realized though, that it is super important to have girl friends. I've never really been good at having girl friends. I've been stabbed in the back one too many times, and so I've become very cautious about getting too close to someone. Well, I never realized how necessary having girl friends can be. I guess maybe it's because I've been in relationships so much. But now that I'm single, I know that girl friends are the best-- as long as they are trustworthy. It's hard to find, but once you do-- don't let it go!
So, I've been doing a lot of thinking. Again. Ugh! I watched He's Just Not That Into You with Kelsey on Saturday... and it just made me think. And then I watched My Best Friend's Girl with a guy friend yesterday, and again... I start thinking. I am not a man hater at all. I have great guy friends whom I love to death. I usually get along better with guys because there's so much less drama involved most of the time. But these movies made me think about my own life and dating experiences.
I'm a sucker for romance... And I get attached pretty easily. I know, it's bad. I watched those girls in He's Just Not That Into You, and laughed at how many times girls act that way. We try to convince ourselves that he does like us. We make up a ton of excuses for why he doesn't call, or even text us. I loved how in the movie it starts with the little girl and her mom telling her the boys were being mean because they like her. Haven't we all heard that? So we grow up thinking, he's just trying to act tough, he really does like me, right? Well, honestly, I have to keep repeating "Maybe he's just not that into you"... I'm pathetic, I know. But, I have to keep saying it, to keep myself from falling too hard.
I'm complicated. Too many emotions in one person. I have highs and lows like you wouldn't believe. I could go on and on about love. I can't help it. I am a romantic, remember? Sometimes I wish I could just be the cool, single girl out there having fun. And I'm working on it. This weekend taught me that I am ok being just ME. Nobody's "girlfriend"... It's something I will have to keep working on. And I'll just keep repeating "He's just not that into me"... and that's ok. Because one day, there will be someone who sees me, for me... and can't get enough. And he'll be so into me, that it'll take me by surprise, right? Well, I'm not going to focus on that. Today is a new day. I'm single. I'm ME. I love life. I don't know where this road will lead, but instead of focusing on what's ahead, I think I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride for now.
Oh, and as for the song of the day-- I haven't figured it out yet... It's too early! =)
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Stop blaming....
Pretty boring day today... I did get to help my mom clean the house, and we worked hard! Then I spent the rest of the day at my sisters, sitting around holding my niece and watching TV. I did get to lay out for like an hour today. I really wish I was tan. I know, I know... Tanning isn't good for you. But I did use some sunscreen. And I've heard the sun is better than a tanning bed. So don't lecture me.
I also worked out tonight. Again, don't lecture me. I know I'm not FAT, so stop rolling your eyes when I say I worked out. I'm doing this for ME! I want to tone up, not lose weight. Working out makes me feel good. Oh, and on top of working out, I drank SO much water today! I swear it makes a BIG difference when you drink nothing but water. I feel a lot better, but I am going through caffeine withdrawals! =(
So, my song of the day? Well, I didn't have anything really eventful to make me think of a song... But I have been thinking a lot, and there's a song that relates...
It's called-- Not Your Enemy. Who sings it? My ex-future husband, Jesse McCartney. It's SO good though. I'm still a fan of his music. Really. Ok... So here's my clip of lyrics...
"Sorry for all the times that he lied And left your heart hangin' I can't imagine what that feels like But that was another place And that was another time It's not fair to blame me for all his crimes Just for a minute give me a chance Let me inside just for a minute Baby just for a moment Let me prove I'll do things right Let down your guard And show me your colours Don't fight it anymore Show me you're with me Open your arms I'm not like the others So don't fight it anymore no What will it take for me to make you see I'm not your enemy"
What brought this to mind? I don't really know. I guess maybe in part it was reading "He's Just Not That Into You". I know that I've been guilty of blaming guys for things that some other guy did to me in the past. It's not fair to them. And I know that. This is why I love this song. Don't get me wrong some guys aren't like this. Some of them are just "like the others". But it's only right to give the guy a chance right?
Another one of my favorite parts to the song is this:
"How do you expect things to get any better If you keep me on the sideline Don't you know there's a million things I wanna do But you gotta meet me halfway you gotta try"
This is SO true. A relationship is about meeting in the middle, you can't just expect one person to give their all... It's just not fair. I guess I just get furious when I see this happening in today's society. Love is a word that is thrown around. People are in relationships that make them unhappy. Girls are treated badly, yet for some reason have this idea that they don't deserve better, or can't get any better. Guys get with girls who manipulate them. It's so unfair.
I guess I'm just angry, because I do have a huge heart, and I want someone to share that with. I'm tired of guys who abuse the fact that I have a big heart. Beware, this heart has been broken many times, and it's fragile. I don't want to be the girl blaming the guy for things that happened in my past. I'm trying to overcome that, but don't get angry with me... I'm just trying to guard my heart. I don't like heart break. It hurts too much. I'm overprotective of my heart, but that doesn't mean I'm blaming you for anything... I'm just watching out for the woman I'm becoming and learning to love.
So maybe this blog is just a bunch of rambling... maybe you read it, and maybe you don't... I just have so many things jumbled in my head, so it's hard to make it make sense sometimes.
Well, I'm off to bed. Getting ready for a busy, but great weekend... =) More blogging to come-- hold on to your seat, it could get crazy!
I also worked out tonight. Again, don't lecture me. I know I'm not FAT, so stop rolling your eyes when I say I worked out. I'm doing this for ME! I want to tone up, not lose weight. Working out makes me feel good. Oh, and on top of working out, I drank SO much water today! I swear it makes a BIG difference when you drink nothing but water. I feel a lot better, but I am going through caffeine withdrawals! =(
So, my song of the day? Well, I didn't have anything really eventful to make me think of a song... But I have been thinking a lot, and there's a song that relates...
It's called-- Not Your Enemy. Who sings it? My ex-future husband, Jesse McCartney. It's SO good though. I'm still a fan of his music. Really. Ok... So here's my clip of lyrics...
"Sorry for all the times that he lied And left your heart hangin' I can't imagine what that feels like But that was another place And that was another time It's not fair to blame me for all his crimes Just for a minute give me a chance Let me inside just for a minute Baby just for a moment Let me prove I'll do things right Let down your guard And show me your colours Don't fight it anymore Show me you're with me Open your arms I'm not like the others So don't fight it anymore no What will it take for me to make you see I'm not your enemy"
What brought this to mind? I don't really know. I guess maybe in part it was reading "He's Just Not That Into You". I know that I've been guilty of blaming guys for things that some other guy did to me in the past. It's not fair to them. And I know that. This is why I love this song. Don't get me wrong some guys aren't like this. Some of them are just "like the others". But it's only right to give the guy a chance right?
Another one of my favorite parts to the song is this:
"How do you expect things to get any better If you keep me on the sideline Don't you know there's a million things I wanna do But you gotta meet me halfway you gotta try"
This is SO true. A relationship is about meeting in the middle, you can't just expect one person to give their all... It's just not fair. I guess I just get furious when I see this happening in today's society. Love is a word that is thrown around. People are in relationships that make them unhappy. Girls are treated badly, yet for some reason have this idea that they don't deserve better, or can't get any better. Guys get with girls who manipulate them. It's so unfair.
I guess I'm just angry, because I do have a huge heart, and I want someone to share that with. I'm tired of guys who abuse the fact that I have a big heart. Beware, this heart has been broken many times, and it's fragile. I don't want to be the girl blaming the guy for things that happened in my past. I'm trying to overcome that, but don't get angry with me... I'm just trying to guard my heart. I don't like heart break. It hurts too much. I'm overprotective of my heart, but that doesn't mean I'm blaming you for anything... I'm just watching out for the woman I'm becoming and learning to love.
So maybe this blog is just a bunch of rambling... maybe you read it, and maybe you don't... I just have so many things jumbled in my head, so it's hard to make it make sense sometimes.
Well, I'm off to bed. Getting ready for a busy, but great weekend... =) More blogging to come-- hold on to your seat, it could get crazy!
Monday, June 8, 2009
I'll Just Hold On...
Another fun day... but definitely a tiring one! Going, going ALL day long!
Work today was fun as always! Joking around, but still getting the job done, is the only way to do it right?! =)
One thing I realized today is that I truly enjoy having a "girl friend". It feels good to have someone to talk to, who actually listens... and understands the emotions and feelings I have. And I am SO truly blessed to have two very good girl friends-- Tiffany and Kelsey. These two girls are two people who I trust and absolutely love to death... I'd do anything for them! I've never been one to have many close girlfriends, but these two women are so different. There's just such a great connection. And they have kept me strong and given me a lot of insight into who I am... and what I need/deserve!
Another thing I'm learning about myself is... I have a big heart. And I do get attached easily. But, I trying so hard to be ok with just ME! And honestly, I do like myself... a whole lot more than I have in the past. I am learning to love the little things that make me, ME! I'm independent, and passionate. I'm also very compassionate and caring. I can be a little crazy and I know how to have fun. I know eventually things will all fall into place for me... but I'm also a VERY impatient person. But I'm trying to practice patience because I always think I know what I want... and well, from past experiences-- I know that it takes time to really know. So... It's a growing process!
So, what's my song of the day? This was a hard one... but one song that caught my attention today was, "I'll Just Hold On" by Blake Shelton.
"Falling for you even though I know you’re only playing with my heart
Tomorrow might be hell
But a night or two of loving you is better than never at all
And I can’t help myself
So I’ll just hold on, I’ll just hold on, I’ll just hold on
Until you’re gone
Work today was fun as always! Joking around, but still getting the job done, is the only way to do it right?! =)
One thing I realized today is that I truly enjoy having a "girl friend". It feels good to have someone to talk to, who actually listens... and understands the emotions and feelings I have. And I am SO truly blessed to have two very good girl friends-- Tiffany and Kelsey. These two girls are two people who I trust and absolutely love to death... I'd do anything for them! I've never been one to have many close girlfriends, but these two women are so different. There's just such a great connection. And they have kept me strong and given me a lot of insight into who I am... and what I need/deserve!
Another thing I'm learning about myself is... I have a big heart. And I do get attached easily. But, I trying so hard to be ok with just ME! And honestly, I do like myself... a whole lot more than I have in the past. I am learning to love the little things that make me, ME! I'm independent, and passionate. I'm also very compassionate and caring. I can be a little crazy and I know how to have fun. I know eventually things will all fall into place for me... but I'm also a VERY impatient person. But I'm trying to practice patience because I always think I know what I want... and well, from past experiences-- I know that it takes time to really know. So... It's a growing process!
So, what's my song of the day? This was a hard one... but one song that caught my attention today was, "I'll Just Hold On" by Blake Shelton.
"Falling for you even though I know you’re only playing with my heart
Tomorrow might be hell
But a night or two of loving you is better than never at all
And I can’t help myself
So I’ll just hold on, I’ll just hold on, I’ll just hold on
Until you’re gone
Girl I know you’re a gypsy soul and I’m just a stop along your road
And you hang around long enough to blow my mind
If I had a star for every scar you tattooed on my heart
I could fill up the Oklahoma sky
So girl I don’t know why
I’ll just hold on, I’ll just hold on, I’ll just hold on
Until you’re gone
I look down at my cell phone ringing
I see your name and I know what that means
But I don’t care, I’ll just hold on
‘Til you’re gone
Every time you leave I take it hard
But seeing you go just breaks my heart
But I don’t care, I’ll just hold on
‘Til you’re gone"
I guess this song could go either way for me. It could be about me falling for someone... but it's also been the reverse. This is something that explains me well though. I get my heart broken easily... because I do have a big heart. I do fall easily... It's hard. But that's me. And although it can be tough, it's a part of me. I don't regret falling for certain people, because that has made me who I am today. And like I said earlier-- I love me now! =)
Sunday, June 7, 2009
The end of a beautiful weekend...
What a weekend. So much going on... and no time for blogging.
Well, my new niece was born Friday, June 5 at 11:38 a.m. She's beautiful-- with a head full of hair and strong lungs! So my Friday was spent at the hospital, before going to work... Then ALL day yesterday I spent the day at the hospital... And today they came home from the hospital, so we went over there to help out.
It was quite an exhausting weekend, but a good one.
Friday night, I worked the No Doubt concert... and for once, it wasn't raining! Kelsey and I had such a good time... being silly and dancing. I love my internship.
So, I was trying to decide on the song of the day. And, well, nothing too eventful happened today to bring a song to mind...
But as I was getting ready this morning... I heard "Size Matters" by Joe Nichols. And well, I just like it a lot... and I do relate to it. Not that I want all the material things one day. But...
"But right now all she wants is a man, With a big 'ol heart who can love her like nobody can, Big 'ol kisses that go on and on and never end, With a big 'ol smile it'll fill her world with laughter, Size matters, size matters."
To me, it's never been about the material things. I don't have to have a lot of "things" to make me happy. I just want someone who loves me for me, who can make me laugh, who can be my best friend. Someone I can share everything with. Someone can love me as much as I love them. I have a big heart, and a lot of love to give away. I don't want someone who will take advantage of that. I want someone who will cherish it. I don't want someone who feels like they "have" to give me things. I want someone who understands that I'm independent, and respects that. I don't want to be smothered, I want to be loved.
I used to have this fairy tale idea of love... and while that "little girl" inside of me wants to believe it, I know that nothing is perfect. I do still want that love where even after YEARS of being together, he still wants to hold my hand, kiss me when he sees me, still wants to sit close to me. I want to make everyone jealous of the crazy love we have for each other.
Maybe it will happen for me one day. Right now... I'm completely ok with where I am. I love my life, and am learning so much about myself. Some days are harder than others... especially when I feel like the only single person on the planet... But I am strong, independent... and I can do this.
I know this blog isn't as entertaining as you probably expected... but it's just one of those days! I'll blog more later, but for now I need to sleep... so I can get up early for work tomorrow!
Well, my new niece was born Friday, June 5 at 11:38 a.m. She's beautiful-- with a head full of hair and strong lungs! So my Friday was spent at the hospital, before going to work... Then ALL day yesterday I spent the day at the hospital... And today they came home from the hospital, so we went over there to help out.
It was quite an exhausting weekend, but a good one.
Friday night, I worked the No Doubt concert... and for once, it wasn't raining! Kelsey and I had such a good time... being silly and dancing. I love my internship.
So, I was trying to decide on the song of the day. And, well, nothing too eventful happened today to bring a song to mind...
But as I was getting ready this morning... I heard "Size Matters" by Joe Nichols. And well, I just like it a lot... and I do relate to it. Not that I want all the material things one day. But...
"But right now all she wants is a man, With a big 'ol heart who can love her like nobody can, Big 'ol kisses that go on and on and never end, With a big 'ol smile it'll fill her world with laughter, Size matters, size matters."
To me, it's never been about the material things. I don't have to have a lot of "things" to make me happy. I just want someone who loves me for me, who can make me laugh, who can be my best friend. Someone I can share everything with. Someone can love me as much as I love them. I have a big heart, and a lot of love to give away. I don't want someone who will take advantage of that. I want someone who will cherish it. I don't want someone who feels like they "have" to give me things. I want someone who understands that I'm independent, and respects that. I don't want to be smothered, I want to be loved.
I used to have this fairy tale idea of love... and while that "little girl" inside of me wants to believe it, I know that nothing is perfect. I do still want that love where even after YEARS of being together, he still wants to hold my hand, kiss me when he sees me, still wants to sit close to me. I want to make everyone jealous of the crazy love we have for each other.
Maybe it will happen for me one day. Right now... I'm completely ok with where I am. I love my life, and am learning so much about myself. Some days are harder than others... especially when I feel like the only single person on the planet... But I am strong, independent... and I can do this.
I know this blog isn't as entertaining as you probably expected... but it's just one of those days! I'll blog more later, but for now I need to sleep... so I can get up early for work tomorrow!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Soaking wet... and all for what?!
So, my song of the day is... Leavin' by Jesse McCartney. And why? Well, I worked the New Kids On The Block concert, and Jesse was opening for them. I was supposed to do Meet and Greet with him... and guess what? They CANCELED it!
Maybe poor Jesse didn't want to get soaked... because MAN did it POUR down rain!
Well, I was planning on being "Mrs. McCartney", but after that... he's out. Oh well, HIS LOSS, right?!
So Jesse-- I'm leavin', never to come back again... I found somebody who does it better than you can... NO more makin' me cry...
You had SO many fans standing in the pouring rain... and you couldn't even come and say HI. I'm just more than slightly disappointed.
Anyway... I had a blast working the event. I danced in the rain, and got totally soaked. I took some great pictures of me and the other interns.
The rain did kinda bring me down... but all in all... it was SO much fun!
Driving home in the rain= NO FUN! It was dark, and I thought I was going to hydroplane. But I made it home safely (oh, and my "check engine" light was on the whole time).
Also, I saw a car on fire in downtown Atlanta.... Don't know how that's relevant, but that's the first time that I've seen that.
Well, it's been a long, fun day... and now I need to get some sleep, because tomorrow will be another LONG, but fun, day!
Oh, and...
My sister is going into the hospital at midnight... and they are going to induce her. So by this time tomorrow, Baby Addie will be here!
Maybe poor Jesse didn't want to get soaked... because MAN did it POUR down rain!
Well, I was planning on being "Mrs. McCartney", but after that... he's out. Oh well, HIS LOSS, right?!
So Jesse-- I'm leavin', never to come back again... I found somebody who does it better than you can... NO more makin' me cry...
You had SO many fans standing in the pouring rain... and you couldn't even come and say HI. I'm just more than slightly disappointed.
Anyway... I had a blast working the event. I danced in the rain, and got totally soaked. I took some great pictures of me and the other interns.
The rain did kinda bring me down... but all in all... it was SO much fun!
Driving home in the rain= NO FUN! It was dark, and I thought I was going to hydroplane. But I made it home safely (oh, and my "check engine" light was on the whole time).
Also, I saw a car on fire in downtown Atlanta.... Don't know how that's relevant, but that's the first time that I've seen that.
Well, it's been a long, fun day... and now I need to get some sleep, because tomorrow will be another LONG, but fun, day!
Oh, and...
My sister is going into the hospital at midnight... and they are going to induce her. So by this time tomorrow, Baby Addie will be here!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Why isn't my life a reality TV show???
So, I think I have a pretty interesting life... seriously! Sure, some days it can be boring, but I do have some very interesting things that happen. If you ever want to be entertained, just let me tell you a story or two!
Of course, today was one of my "interesting days"... I had to work at the station today, and well, I love my job... It'd be perfect if I got paid too! =) The joy of an internship! But the people there make my job SOOOOOOOO much fun!
So, I'm thinking I'm going to start having a "Song of the Day" on my blog. Today, my song is...
"Love Game" -- Lady Gaga
I wanna kiss you, but if I do, then I might miss you babe. It's complicated and stupid...
Of course, today was one of my "interesting days"... I had to work at the station today, and well, I love my job... It'd be perfect if I got paid too! =) The joy of an internship! But the people there make my job SOOOOOOOO much fun!
So, I'm thinking I'm going to start having a "Song of the Day" on my blog. Today, my song is...
"Love Game" -- Lady Gaga
I wanna kiss you, but if I do, then I might miss you babe. It's complicated and stupid...
Let's play a love game
Play a love game
Do you want love?
Or you want fame?
Are you in the game?
So why is that the song? Well... there's a lot of reasons. One, because I like her. Two, because, well... Sometimes I think some people do consider love a game.
Third, well... the first line, is exactly how I feel. I know, I know-- typical girl right? Well, sometimes we can't help but get emotionally involved. Plus, I've been in relationships so much... that that's my "security". And well, that just makes things complicated and stupid.
There are a lot of things I'm working on. And being ok with being single is the first step. I'm actually reading, "He's Just Not That Into You", which is... perfect at this moment. I've also been sticking with my girl friends, because well, I can have fun with them... and I need that.
It's really hard. I have to admit. I've already developed a crush (if that's what you'd call it)... and well, I'm trying not to get too attached. Stupid, I know. I'm a silly girl. I'm also a stupid romantic, and to be honest, it sucks. I love LOVE. Grrrr... Why can't life be simple?
But, I can honestly say, I am LOVING my independence. I am learning to love me, for me. I tell myself, "I don't need a ring around my finger to make me feel complete!" Don't get me wrong, yes, I do want to fall in love... But I don't just want it, just to have it, you know?
I'm rediscovering who I am. And yes, I love it.
I'm crazy... and somewhat flirty. I like to workout.
I love being outside.
I LOVE hanging out with my best girl friend!
I'm passionate, and somewhat emotional.
I don't like being trampled on-- I got where I am because I worked my butt off... you should do the same.
I will NOT be friends with someone who uses me for their gain.
I'm unique...
I can be funny..
I LOVE dancing around my house when I'm all alone.
I love singing loudly, and horribly-- just for fun.
I will not change myself for someone.
I hate being led on... if you like me, tell me... if not, just let me go!
I like reading for pleasure... but never get to when I'm at school.
I am a sucker for The Bachelorette (stupid reality TV-- it sucks you in!)
I love to laugh.
I want to be famous... and maybe I will. If not, I can at least pretend.
This summer is going to be a blast! I'm learning a lot, growing up... Realizing who I am. Taking hold of my independence.
Learning, loving, and laughing...
And well, if that handsome man wants to come sweep me off my feet... well, come on. =)
BUT!
I don't NEED someone... I want someone to be my best friend, companion... that kind of thing! -- There is a difference!
"Romeo, don't worry about saving me... I got this- all by myself!"
Play a love game
Do you want love?
Or you want fame?
Are you in the game?
So why is that the song? Well... there's a lot of reasons. One, because I like her. Two, because, well... Sometimes I think some people do consider love a game.
Third, well... the first line, is exactly how I feel. I know, I know-- typical girl right? Well, sometimes we can't help but get emotionally involved. Plus, I've been in relationships so much... that that's my "security". And well, that just makes things complicated and stupid.
There are a lot of things I'm working on. And being ok with being single is the first step. I'm actually reading, "He's Just Not That Into You", which is... perfect at this moment. I've also been sticking with my girl friends, because well, I can have fun with them... and I need that.
It's really hard. I have to admit. I've already developed a crush (if that's what you'd call it)... and well, I'm trying not to get too attached. Stupid, I know. I'm a silly girl. I'm also a stupid romantic, and to be honest, it sucks. I love LOVE. Grrrr... Why can't life be simple?
But, I can honestly say, I am LOVING my independence. I am learning to love me, for me. I tell myself, "I don't need a ring around my finger to make me feel complete!" Don't get me wrong, yes, I do want to fall in love... But I don't just want it, just to have it, you know?
I'm rediscovering who I am. And yes, I love it.
I'm crazy... and somewhat flirty. I like to workout.
I love being outside.
I LOVE hanging out with my best girl friend!
I'm passionate, and somewhat emotional.
I don't like being trampled on-- I got where I am because I worked my butt off... you should do the same.
I will NOT be friends with someone who uses me for their gain.
I'm unique...
I can be funny..
I LOVE dancing around my house when I'm all alone.
I love singing loudly, and horribly-- just for fun.
I will not change myself for someone.
I hate being led on... if you like me, tell me... if not, just let me go!
I like reading for pleasure... but never get to when I'm at school.
I am a sucker for The Bachelorette (stupid reality TV-- it sucks you in!)
I love to laugh.
I want to be famous... and maybe I will. If not, I can at least pretend.
This summer is going to be a blast! I'm learning a lot, growing up... Realizing who I am. Taking hold of my independence.
Learning, loving, and laughing...
And well, if that handsome man wants to come sweep me off my feet... well, come on. =)
BUT!
I don't NEED someone... I want someone to be my best friend, companion... that kind of thing! -- There is a difference!
"Romeo, don't worry about saving me... I got this- all by myself!"
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