Love Is...

Love is…

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

In the past year, I’ve thought a lot about love.  My marriage fell apart, and part of me did too.  I felt like a failure… but looking back, I’ve learned a lot about me, and a lot about what love should be, romantic or otherwise.

The above verse says a lot about love… and what it should be.  But in today’s world, many people don’t love like that.

First of all, love shouldn’t be conditional.  You shouldn’t withhold love from someone just because they don’t do what you want them to, or they don’t act a certain way.  Love should be gentle, and kind.  I understand people wanting what’s best for you, but in the end, they need to see that you will make your own decisions.  And love should respect that.  Withholding love is not true love.  Sure, we get mad at each other… but at the end of the day, it’s important to remember your love.  What if something happened to that person?  You’ll be stuck with the memory of how hateful you were.  It’s like the Garth Brooks song, If Tomorrow Never Comes.  So if tomorrow never comes, will that person know how much you love them?  They really should never have to question your love.

Another thing that love shouldn’t be is fearful.  If you’re in a relationship and you are afraid… there’s something wrong.  Whether it’s being afraid of physical abuse, mental abuse, or simply being constantly worried about upsetting the other person, it’s all wrong!  You should never have to fear the other person’s wrath.  A loving relationship will have it’s moments, but you shouldn't have to constantly worry.  

To go along with that, you shouldn’t have to worry about that person withholding love if you don’t follow their advice and always do what they want you to do.  Again, love comes with a lot of respect.  You may not always agree with each other, but you should have enough respect for that person to respect their decisions.  They have their reasons.  In love, it’s not all about you… it’s about the other person.  Withholding love is really mental abuse.  It causes a person to question everything they do. It makes them afraid to do anything because they don’t want to make you mad.

Mature love isn’t just about spending every moment together and having fun.  It’s seeing an imperfect person, and being there for them no matter what.  Good times and bad.  Mature love doesn’t put you down and make you feel unworthy.  In a healthy relationship, the other person should inspire you, motivate you, give you a drive to be a better person.

Don’t expect a person to change.  Sure, over time, the relationship changes.  It’s part of life.  But don’t think that constant nagging and putting someone down will change them.  It has to be a personal choice. The nagging will only lead to destroying that person.

I will be honest, I’ve been dealing with depression for a really long time.  And it’s so difficult some days to want to do anything.  I became this shell of a person.  A person who stopped caring.  A person who didn’t want to do anything or go anywhere.  A healthy relationship should not push you farther into that depression.  But that’s where I was.  I’d lost hope.  I blamed myself for everything.  I was miserable.  I tried everything I could think of… but in the end, nothing happened.  

People who have never been truly depressed won’t understand that darkness.  But for those of you who have, I know the pain and the loneliness all too well.  

Now, for what love is…

Love is openness and honesty.  You should be able to talk about anything without fear.  You should be able to laugh together.  Dream together.  Spend time together, but also not make the other person feel bad when you can’t spend time together.  Love is being best friends without judgement and harshness.  It’s motivating each other.  It’s keeping that person’s best interest at heart.  It’s talking about the problems, not hiding them or fighting about them.  It’s being strong when the other person can’t be.  It’s looking at that person and knowing they aren’t perfect, but seeing past that to see their heart.  It’s standing up for each other.  It’s being on the same side even when you’re not sure which is the right side.  It’s holding on to each other when the world around you seems to fall apart.  It’s knowing that no matter what, that you will be there for that person.

It’s unconditional.  You don’t have to fit in that box… You don’t have to act a certain way or do a certain thing.  It’s being able to be yourself completely.  It’s a freedom that’s unlike anything else.  It’s joy and laughter.  It’s safety.  

There are so many more things about love… I could go on and on.   But I’ll stop here for now.  The last year has been one of many changes.  Finding out the truth about people.  Seeing who is really a friend.  Learning a lot about the people you thought you knew.  It’s been interesting… and challenging.  I’ve cried.  I’ve hurt.  But I’ve also laughed a lot.  I’ve started to find that girl that was so destroyed deep down inside.  She was the girl that was always happy and positive.  She was the girl who was going to take on the world.  And I’m slowly discovering her… and finding my voice again.  I will heal.  I am stronger than I was yesterday.  And I will continue on my journey with the things I’ve learned about what I want and need in my life.  It’s a beautiful life… and I’m ready to start enjoying it again.  The sun may not always shine, but every now and then, I’ll dance in the rain!

Until next time,

Blaine

This is for you... yes, you!

Goodbye 2014... You won't be missed.  Not for me anyway.

It was a tough year.

I had to make some really big life changing decisions.  And most people don't understand why the things happened the way they did and why I made the decisions I did.

Well, first of all-- You weren't there.  You aren't living my life. You don't know the situation... and you don't have to.

Secondly-- You only know what you've heard.  Since you weren't there, you don't know the full truth.  So stop making judgments based on the little knowledge you have.

Last of all-- why does it matter to you so much? How is my life affecting you that much? Or do you just thrive on drama?

I'm tired of the little comments made to get under my skin.  I'm tired of the judgmental looks I get.  You have NO place to judge me, or anyone for that matter.

You may not understand my situation... and I don't owe you an explanation.  Honestly, so much of what happened was based on very personal things... and I don't want to discuss those with anyone.  It's NO ONE'S BUSINESS!  I had to make tough decisions that seem to want to haunt me... when in reality... I had to make a change.  Life is too short to be miserable.  I am a much happier person because of the struggles last year brought.  I'm not always proud of the things that have happened... but at the same time, there's a reason for everything.  Those experiences and trials have made me who I am today: a stronger, more independent woman; someone who now knows more of what she wants; who won't allow someone to walk all over her; a woman with goals and dreams of a very bright future.

And I'm going to say this... some people live in a bubble.  Their own perfect, happy bubble.  And that's fine.  I'm glad life worked out for you that way.  It seems everything you have has come so easy to you.  But let me remind you, it's not that easy for everyone.  Some of us really have to go through some rough stuff.  We may not find what we're looking for the first time around.  We may stumble, we may fall flat on our faces... And all the while, you sit in that little bubble.  I'm not saying you haven't struggled, but you can't understand what I've been through, so stop accusing and pointing fingers and acting like you are better than anyone else.

It's a new year.  A new me.  Why are you going to sit there judging someone for the past? The past is the past.  Let's look forward at what the new year and future will bring.

I'm tired of negativity, judgment, bias, someone thinking they are better than me... It's ridiculous.  We all have our faults.  We all make mistakes.  We are all put in places where we have to make decisions that others may not understand.  That's called LIFE.  While you're busy worrying about MY life... I'm moving forward. If you have that much time and energy to waste on judging someone else, maybe you should do some re-evaluation.

I am me.  That's all I can be.  I'm on a journey to become an even better me.  Let me remind you... I AM NOT YOU! I don't always have things together.  I don't always do or say the right things (or better yet, what YOU think I should say or do).  But I am tired of trying to make everyone happy.  The more I do that, the more I realize that I can't be completely happy because I can't make everyone happy... So forgive me if I focus a little more on me; if I start standing up for myself; if I start making my own decisions... if I finally find myself under the weight of the world I've been carrying.

This is Blaine.  On the road to new and improved.

And HAPPY.