Love Is...

Love is…

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

In the past year, I’ve thought a lot about love.  My marriage fell apart, and part of me did too.  I felt like a failure… but looking back, I’ve learned a lot about me, and a lot about what love should be, romantic or otherwise.

The above verse says a lot about love… and what it should be.  But in today’s world, many people don’t love like that.

First of all, love shouldn’t be conditional.  You shouldn’t withhold love from someone just because they don’t do what you want them to, or they don’t act a certain way.  Love should be gentle, and kind.  I understand people wanting what’s best for you, but in the end, they need to see that you will make your own decisions.  And love should respect that.  Withholding love is not true love.  Sure, we get mad at each other… but at the end of the day, it’s important to remember your love.  What if something happened to that person?  You’ll be stuck with the memory of how hateful you were.  It’s like the Garth Brooks song, If Tomorrow Never Comes.  So if tomorrow never comes, will that person know how much you love them?  They really should never have to question your love.

Another thing that love shouldn’t be is fearful.  If you’re in a relationship and you are afraid… there’s something wrong.  Whether it’s being afraid of physical abuse, mental abuse, or simply being constantly worried about upsetting the other person, it’s all wrong!  You should never have to fear the other person’s wrath.  A loving relationship will have it’s moments, but you shouldn't have to constantly worry.  

To go along with that, you shouldn’t have to worry about that person withholding love if you don’t follow their advice and always do what they want you to do.  Again, love comes with a lot of respect.  You may not always agree with each other, but you should have enough respect for that person to respect their decisions.  They have their reasons.  In love, it’s not all about you… it’s about the other person.  Withholding love is really mental abuse.  It causes a person to question everything they do. It makes them afraid to do anything because they don’t want to make you mad.

Mature love isn’t just about spending every moment together and having fun.  It’s seeing an imperfect person, and being there for them no matter what.  Good times and bad.  Mature love doesn’t put you down and make you feel unworthy.  In a healthy relationship, the other person should inspire you, motivate you, give you a drive to be a better person.

Don’t expect a person to change.  Sure, over time, the relationship changes.  It’s part of life.  But don’t think that constant nagging and putting someone down will change them.  It has to be a personal choice. The nagging will only lead to destroying that person.

I will be honest, I’ve been dealing with depression for a really long time.  And it’s so difficult some days to want to do anything.  I became this shell of a person.  A person who stopped caring.  A person who didn’t want to do anything or go anywhere.  A healthy relationship should not push you farther into that depression.  But that’s where I was.  I’d lost hope.  I blamed myself for everything.  I was miserable.  I tried everything I could think of… but in the end, nothing happened.  

People who have never been truly depressed won’t understand that darkness.  But for those of you who have, I know the pain and the loneliness all too well.  

Now, for what love is…

Love is openness and honesty.  You should be able to talk about anything without fear.  You should be able to laugh together.  Dream together.  Spend time together, but also not make the other person feel bad when you can’t spend time together.  Love is being best friends without judgement and harshness.  It’s motivating each other.  It’s keeping that person’s best interest at heart.  It’s talking about the problems, not hiding them or fighting about them.  It’s being strong when the other person can’t be.  It’s looking at that person and knowing they aren’t perfect, but seeing past that to see their heart.  It’s standing up for each other.  It’s being on the same side even when you’re not sure which is the right side.  It’s holding on to each other when the world around you seems to fall apart.  It’s knowing that no matter what, that you will be there for that person.

It’s unconditional.  You don’t have to fit in that box… You don’t have to act a certain way or do a certain thing.  It’s being able to be yourself completely.  It’s a freedom that’s unlike anything else.  It’s joy and laughter.  It’s safety.  

There are so many more things about love… I could go on and on.   But I’ll stop here for now.  The last year has been one of many changes.  Finding out the truth about people.  Seeing who is really a friend.  Learning a lot about the people you thought you knew.  It’s been interesting… and challenging.  I’ve cried.  I’ve hurt.  But I’ve also laughed a lot.  I’ve started to find that girl that was so destroyed deep down inside.  She was the girl that was always happy and positive.  She was the girl who was going to take on the world.  And I’m slowly discovering her… and finding my voice again.  I will heal.  I am stronger than I was yesterday.  And I will continue on my journey with the things I’ve learned about what I want and need in my life.  It’s a beautiful life… and I’m ready to start enjoying it again.  The sun may not always shine, but every now and then, I’ll dance in the rain!

Until next time,

Blaine