A Table For One, Please.

It took absolutely EVERYTHING in me to get up the nerve to go...

To dinner alone, that is.

And no, not to a fast food place to pick up food and come back to my dorm alone. An actual restaurant where I had to get a table, have a waitress, and leave a tip.

So, what did I choose? Texas Roadhouse. Perhaps the busiest restaurant in town on a Friday night.

I pulled up to a packed out parking lot. Took a deep breath. Told myself to just drive to Taco Bell and be done with it. But NO. Little Miss Independent had to prove to herself that she could do it. So I did.

I got out of the car. Terrified. Walked through a small crowd waiting for their table. Marched my scared self up to the hostess stand.

Then the question:
"How many?"

My response:
"Just one." I waited for a weird look.

But, she didn't give it... or seem to have pity either. Thank goodness.

Then I waited. Finally my little buzzer thing went off, and the girl led me to my table. In the back of the restaurant, of course. But at least I wasn't in the corner. Nobody puts baby in the corner, right?!

No weird looks. At least none that I noticed.

The waitress came and was super nice. Then later she relized she knew me from when I worked there previously, so she actually had a conversation with me. Nice. Eased the pressure a bit.

So, I sat, drinking my sweet tea. Looking around, I notice a few people made eye contact. No one seemed to show pity, or maybe I just didn't care at that point. Then... it happened. Maybe I was just paranoid. But a young couple, on a date... kept glancing over, as if to say, "Is she really eating alone?"

Yes, I am. Can't a girl do that?

Unfortunately, to avoid too many weird looks, I appeared to be so very busy on my cellphone. But honestly, it was quite lonely having NO ONE to talk to.

Then the check came, I paid, got my To Go box... and all over again, I got this little tinge of anxiety. What's so hard about walking across the restaurant alone? I have NO idea. But I did it, and I held my head high, and no one seemed to notice.

Maybe it's all in my head anyway. Maybe I was making it into a much bigger deal than it was.

Overall-- I felt empowered. This was one step down my road to full independence. Sure, it's nice to have someone along for the ride... but I don't NEED anyone. I'm capable of doing anything I set my mind to.

It may not seem like that big of a deal to some people, but... for me, this was HUGE.